As I write this my son Z (21) is outside helping the plumber with whatever he needs to get under the house and solve whatever problem that is creating a pond in our yard.
It’s become Z’s role to help trade people when they come to do maintenance and repairs. He is the most confident and competent, and experienced to do so.
And yet, he is also the child Greg and I actually asked ourselves, when Z was young, “what if he isn’t able to live on his own? What if he isn’t able to function in normal life?”
And oddly, the results of that conversation ended up opening our minds to the possibilities, which was critical for the growth and choices we had to make.
You see, Z is profoundly dyslexic, on the autism spectrum, and must move his body in order to listen, process, and communicate.
Thanks to a customized education – meeting him where he was at, at his pace, in his way – and tons of real life, hands-on experiences, plus 9 years of speech therapy, Z is now a kind, confident, and competent young man, able to hold his own in the situations he navigates.
And he was the first of my four kids to leave home for an extended period of time. (How’s that for irony!)
Most people have no clue that his brain functions differently than most. That he struggled for years to access his words. That his movement is necessary, the key for him to both listen and communicate.
Most people don’t even recognize that he doesn’t read fluently.
He just navigates life within who he is, confidently, capably, and with the help of the systems that work for him.
I am forever thankful for the ability to walk alongside Z, and learn from him. He’s grown me in ways I can’t even begin to articulate.
He has reinforced for me how amazing our individuality is, how important self-talk is, and how to meet people where they are at, regardless of where we – and our culture – think they should be.
He has reinforced for me that there is no behind. That learning is always there, always happening, whether we see it or not. It all builds, and accumulates over time – into an amazing tapestry of life and perspective.
My growth as a human always is enhanced because of my kids. Each has expanded my thinking, grown my perspective, and exposed my biases.
Parenting is a long game. The results of which we do not see for decades. And ironically, the true lessons of parenting often are more for us, than for our kiddos. At least, that’s my perspective.
Always learning, always growing…
Shannon Stoltz is a writer, trainer, and entrepreneur. But her favorite role has been that of work-at-home mom to four fabulous, homeschooled, and now grown, kiddos. Shannon is fascinated with how humans learn, grow, and communicate, and passionate about the importance of embracing our unique gifts, talents, and individuality. She lives in the countryside outside Houston, Texas, with her family, and their menagerie of rescue animals.
Shannon Stoltz is a writer, trainer, and entrepreneur. But her favorite role has been that of work-at-home mom to four fabulous, homeschooled, and now grown, kiddos. Shannon is fascinated with how humans learn, grow, and communicate, and passionate about the importance of embracing our unique gifts, talents, and individuality. She lives in the countryside outside Houston, Texas, with her family, and their menagerie of rescue animals.